Archive for December, 2009


December 28, 2009

I got up yesterday, my room was bugfree. I had a glass of orange juice, went to work and came home to Antfest 09. Unfortunately, it was one in the morning and I was tired, so I just looked around for where they might hae been coming from, sprayed liberally with Raid and then locked myself and my cat out of the room and slept on the couch.

It looks like between the trip home and the flu I probably won’t meet my December goal of having the whole apartment spic and span by Jan. 1, but this new development has definitely sped of the process, so I’ll be closer.


The Fat Girl and the Plane

December 27, 2009

I fly home to see my family for a week in the summer and a week in the winter.  I’ve made this trip 5 times for a total of 10 plane rides. I don’t usually have much of  a problem with planes. I’ve flown AirTran once and their seatbelts were a little snug and their seats a little narrow but they also have the distinction of being the only airline to have tray tables that actually go all the way down.

Delta, who I usually fly with, their tray tables get about a two-thirds of the way down before hitting the tops of my thighs and being useless.  But I’ve never had a problem with their seats. Until now.

I don’t know if it’s because I somehow found myself on  a leg of one of those weenie connector flights or if it was the food coma I seemed to eat my way into on a daily basis (in between loads of shopping) while at home or what, but this time I barely fit.

If I were a little less stubborn I might have asked for a belt extendor, but it’s amazing what being seated next to a scrawny thing of  a woman will do for the resolve.  I sucked in my gut and tugged on that belt until it felt like I was stretching the material with my own brute strength and it took a few tries, dammit, I got that mother buckled. *

The weird thing is once it was buckled, it was really comfortable. It was like the perfect length for the part of me it was covering.  So, when I got home, I sat down in an armless chair and tried to figure out where the discrepency between getting it fastened and wearing it came in, and I determined this:

It’s not that the belt didn’t fit, it’s just that I am so…thick, I guess, that I actually had to try to fasten it higher than it would normally sit because that’s where my arms would go.

In short, if I get any fatter, I essentially will be a like a T-Rex with my tiny useless arms.  If that’s not an inspiration, I don’t know what is.

Oh, and also? I brought the flu back with me.  I think it’s mostly cleared up now, but I’ve spent the last several days lying around like a lump.  But I’ve probably drank more water in the last two weeks than I’ve drank in the last 2 months, so that’s good I guess.

*Twice, actually, because shortly after I got buckled in, I realized that my cell phone was on in my bag overhead.  I would have just let it go but I couldn’t quite quell my fear of dying in a fiery crash because the $20 phone I got at Walmart flumoxed an airplane.

Why would you do such a thing…

December 13, 2009

I mentioned that I had started this blog to somebody I know and her reaction was “Why? Why would you do that, and with pictures?” Thanks, friend. Ignoring  the implication that I”m a hideous freak of nature who should not inflict myself upon the world, I thought about it for a bit, and this is what I came up with.

1. It holds me a little more accountable than if I just had all this information in a folder on my desktop.  If I don’t update that, the only person who will ever know is me. In fact, the only person who will even know I’m trying to change my life is me.

By putting it online, it’s out there for the world to see. Anyone can stumble across it and see if I’ve kept up with this and made any progress or whether I started in mid-December and gave up by mid-January.  And sure, nobody’s looking yet, and chances are I won’t know anybody who does, but I kind of feel like I’ve failed at enough things in my life that I don’t want anybody to see me fail at this one.

2.  I’ve been around the online health/fitness communities. I’ve been to SparkPeople.  I’ve been to PeerTrainer. I’ve looked around YouTube.  I didn’t really find people like me.

I found a lot of people who wanted to lose 10 to 30 pounds and were at varying stages of fitness — and while I don’t want to diminish their struggles, goals or efforts — it kind of got to the point where I’d see a picture or read the weight of somebody who said they were just so FAT and the first thing that would come to my mind was something like “My god. I must look like conjoined twin whales to you people.”

And if I did find other obese people on the Internet, invariably they were going on about how they’re going to get this surgery or that surgery or they’re committing to this fad diet or that fad diet or have started practically living at the gym.

Those are extremes I don’t want to take.  I think a lot of people trying to lose weight don’t  want to take them, and I don’t think they’re a necessary evil for combating obesity.

I said in my intro post that I’m about small, sustainable changes and the slow burn over the long term, and if this blog can be a voice or a friend or a hope or whatever to anybody else trying to do the same thing, then it’s all worth it.

3. I think its time we stopped being ashamed of ourselves.  It’s way easier said than done — I don’t really get out because I’m self-conscious that people will only ever see my size and not my person and as you can tell from my stats post, I’ve blacked out my face — but like everything else, it’s a step.

December Goals, Challenges

December 12, 2009

December’s about halfway over (and it’s December) and I’m traveling out of the state for a week, so I was hesitant to make any sort of fitness/exercise goal for the month.  So, instead I decided to put my focus on a different aspect of life — housework and organization.

I kind of feel like it’s really hard to get your life under control when your home isn’t under control. And my apartment? It’s a chaotic hole at the moment. I’ve been here two and a half years, and I’ve done spot-cleaning here and there, but I’ve never done a really deep get-it-all-done clean on it.  In fact, I’m pretty sure I still have a box or two that haven’t even been completely unpacked, I’ve just opened them up and strewn the contents about until I stumbled across whatever I was looking for.  Granted, I’m planning to move in a few months, so that may be a bit of a blessing, but still.

And it’s not even that my apartment is that big, I’m just lazy. And I get distracted easily. In typing that last sentence, the J key got stuck. After I panicked, I fixed it, and then it became vitally important to slide notebook paper around all the keys and shake the keyboard around (this is what you do when you don’t have cans of air, apparently) in a vain attempt to get all manner of grossness out.  And it was gross.   Soooo much hair.  I’m telling you, if I weren’t afraid I would somehow bring about the end of the world, I would take that thing completely apart and go at it with a vacuum or something.  Well, that and I tried to take it apart once. Got all the screws out, but for some reason…it’s still very much together.

See what I mean about getting distracted? It’s like “post post post KEYBOARD! blah blah blah blah blah…oh, yeah. Post.”

So, my goal for the month is to get this place spic and span from top to bottom.  And since cleaning is one of those areas where baby steps aren’t entirely helpful, my challenge is going to be to pick one day — let’s say my first day off after Christmas — and in that day, I am going to wash every dish in the place. Put simply:

Goal: Clean apartment
Challenge: Day of Dishes

December Statistics

December 10, 2009

Weight: 238.5
48 inches
Waist: 53 inches
53.5 iches
Arm (left):
12 inches
Thigh (left): 24.5 inches

Just above those stats are photos taken today from the front and sides in my smallest pair of jeans (that I don’t wear out in public) and the T-shirt my best friend sent me for my birthday.  It’s an XL and as you can see, it also does not fit.  I do not wear it out in public, either.   These will be the clothes I wear for future status updates (at or near the beginning of each month).

My entirely non-specific, non-deadlined  goal is to make those clothes fit.

Next up: Actual goals and challenges for what’s left of  December.

What it’s all about

December 10, 2009

I decided to start this blog because I’m 27, 5’2″ and very nearly 240 pounds.  I’m not a quivering ball of shame over that, but I’m not happy about it, either. So,  I’m stepping in line with the masses who in 3 short weeks will undoubtedly be proclaiming their resolve to eat right, exercise more and live better in 2010.

Except I’m doing it a little differently.  I’ve had more than my fair share of resolutions that start something like “I’m going to exercise four times a week and make massive changes to my diet starting RIGHT NOW” and if I’m exceedingly lucky I may make it to March before everything goes to hell.

So I’m done with that.  Massive changes all of a sudden don’t work for me. Not long term.  I realize that now and am refocusing my efforts on the baby steps —  small things I can do, get used to and build upon.

And maybe for the gym rats and the Jan. 1 crowd, my lifestyle changes will seem glacially slow and insignficant, but that’s okay. I’m not about racing the crowd or dropping 100 pounds in a year.  I’m about making positive changes that don’t burn out.

We’ll see if it works.

Next up:  Establishing my weight and size baseline — because you can’t know where you’re going until you know where you are.